How i overcame 25 years of anorexia & bulimia

 

Millions of people all over the world are suffering from  eating disorders and it does not discriminate. Age, gender, background, ethnicity.. no-one is immune. There are many factors to this disorder which make the causes extremely complex but also varying for each individual.

A  predisposition, genetics, parental relationships, environment and outside influences, all have a part to play in the onset of this deadly disease.

in this article i am merely sharing my own personal experience and what helped me escape from 25 years of anorexia nervosa. I hope it helps you on your own journey to health and enlightenment.

 

MY JOURNEY

From an early age I was super sensitive child. I was aware of the emotions of people around me and affected by the media and tv, which used to make me extremely upset with nightmares.

My childhood was also fraught with insecurity with the divorce of my parents. Being sensitive and then feeling insecure and worried that i would lose my mother, after my father had left the family home, was something that plagued my entire childhood.

My mother was extremely hard working and as a single mother of two, at the tender age of 18, she had her hands full. My sensitivity and trauma from my father leaving, showed itself in nightmares and waking up in the night and constant tears and longing for my father’s return.

As these issues were not healed or understood, i was on a roller coaster of insecurity and pain, for many years.

 

UNTIL ANOREXIA CAME ALONG AND SAVED ME!

 

   

At 15 i was hospitalised for self starvation but this was just the tip of the iceberg. A year later i starved myself for a solid four months, living on pure orange juice and chewing gum. This felt like i had found a voice without physically speaking and i welcomed the inner peace from all those childhood years of utter despair. 

The many years of self starvation, purging and laxative abuse, was merely a way of escaping from feelings inside, that were too much to cope with at the tender age of 15. I had be screaming out for help, my entire childhood and that constant state of despair over so many years became quiet, once anorexia came in to my life.

I know that anorexia was my mind’s way of putting a stop to my suffering and it did it’s job extremely well but it came a t a price! All of that inner stuff was still there and anorexia had only blocked out that noise, not taken it away. 

After each hospital admission, i had gained weight but all of those issues that were blocked out, suddenly came back and i didn’t like what i saw.. so the cycle of starvation and bulimia carried on and on, until a year ago!

 

RECOVERY

The word recovery, never really meant much to me and i never actively strove for it, until we wanted to start a family. I had put off having children because i would never want to pass this on to a young, innocent child. 

To our absolute joy, we had our daughter after having a very healthy pregnancy and all of those food issues vanished. I was eating and a healthy weight and that continued for several years, until anorexia snook back in very slowly, when my son was three years old.

So, once again i was on the starvation slippery slope, for two years. The events leading up to my first ever, real recovery are something i wish i’d learnt years ago.

THERE WERE TWO FACTORS THAT STARTED MY RECOVERY… SPIRITUAL PRACTICE, MINDSET WORK

I’m not talking about religion but practices that have been around for thousands of years that focus on the inner soul, not outside “stuff”! By turning my attention inward, using techniques that calmed my negative and sabotaging thought patterns, i was able to look at my issues without the need to escape from them.

 

 

ANSWERS COME FROM UNEXPECTED PLACES

I discovered this new way of thinking from an online business education that had inspired me to learn digital marketing. On this platform there were thousands of individuals, who all seemed to be living their lives differently and thriving as a result.

What i learnt from successful entrepreneurs, is that mindset is the most important aspect in making a business successful. So these entrepreneurs, have a morning routine, they practice meditation, yoga, silence, exercise, healthy diet and affirmation practice and more.

I was literally blinded by all that made sense, for the first time in my life. 

 

As i began to study digital marketing, i found that all of the inner crap was beginning to affect my progress. I was doubting my abilities and became overwhelmed by limiting beliefs. Many digital entrepreneurs on the platform, were building their business on youtube, but because i was so disillusioned about my own physical appearance ( body dysmorphia) i would not even consider getting in front of the camera.Today, it is my next challenge to defeat!

 

SPIRITUAL BENEFITS

Meditation is a wonderful practice that should be taught from nursery age onwards. We teach our children the academics but there is absolutely no education about how to manage our internal world. The consequence of this is already more than evident, with mental health in our young ones becoming more and more troubling.

Mental health seems to be at crisis point because people do not have the tools to cope in times of crisis or with their lives. The media images of lives that we think we want, jobs that are unfulfilling and stressful, news reports showing nothing but negative stories, social media, gossip and negative inner chatter are all part of the global crisis.

By practising meditation i was able to find calm and peace inside. Yes it took time and practice-as i always felt uncomfortable in silence. But now, the benefits are wonderful.

Yoga is very similar to meditation . It is a wonderful practice for releasing blocked energy within the body. Many people think yoga is just an exercise, when it is more about meditation and breathing. I find yoga really releases any negative energy and also physical issues. I had been experiencing lower back pain for many months and once i had incorporated yoga into my life, it gradually eased and rid that pain completely.

Another practice that i have experience to combat overwhelm and fatigue is qi gong. As a new entrepreneur and early in recovery from anorexia, i found myself getting burnt out easily. Doing only 20 minutes of qi gong a day was like having a sleep. Afterwards i get emotionally alert and full of ideas.

LAST THOUGHTS

With any inner conflict, eating disorder or not, it all starts within. Having all of these practices shifted something in my mind. I had been anorexic for so long and nothing ever helped. 

It is no coincidence that after only six months of daily meditation , yoga, ci gong, nature and gratitude work, that i was able to completely reverse such an ingrained a deadly disease.

If you are battling inner demons, i highly recommend all of the above!

 

 

 

 

 

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