4 tools to stop self sabotage


Self sabotage is the perfect way to describe the past 25 years of my life, so i have actually learnt a great deal on this subject. It’s also surprising, just how many of us are doing it, without even being aware.

We sabotage ourselves in so many ways and the reasons are different for everybody, which can make the process of change difficult, if we don’t know the underlying causes.

If you are reading this article, then you are in the minority of people because most don’t even realise that they are sabotaging themselves. Being aware of this is a great place to be, as now you have the option to turn it around.

Maybe you are tired of the endless failed relationships because you push everyone away. Or you want to move up the corporate ladder but talk yourself out of taking action. It maybe your health that needs a drastic overhaul but you keep doing the same unhealthy habits.

Whatever the issues are, i’ts time to dig deep and take a big, long, hard look in the mirror, that is, if you want your life to become what you desire.




If you surround yourself with negativity, you will take it on board. Take relationships. If you are hanging out with moaners, complainers and gossipers then that is what will be feeding in to your mind. It makes your thought process and what you attract, negative.

Happy people don’t sit around and hate on others or complain about their circumstances.. WHY? because they’re always looking for the “good”, in any situation and appreciating what they have.



The news is full of negativity and watching it, will do nothing to improve your well-being. It is full of crime, politics and the be fair, bloody doom and gloom. Where are the positive stories because i know they are out there! 

The same goes for social media. Take a look at what groups and friends you are associating with, do they make you feel uplifted and positive? or are  they focused on things that do nothing at all to benefit your life!

Celebrity culture seems to be an obsession for many women, which does absolutely nothing for positive self esteem. We now think it is ” normal” to want what they have- the millions, cars, big houses and unrealistic bodies and faces. 

If all of those things make the rich and famous happy and fulfilled, why have so many, lost their lives to suicide, drugs and alcohol! It’s all an illusion and one that many are fooled and influenced by




There maybe unresolved issues that have not been healed inside of you. We tend to carry a lot a emotional baggage around on our shoulders instead of dealing with and dumping it.

A useful exercise for recognising  any hidden issues, is to write down absolutely everything you can remember on a piece of paper. Take the time to do this exercise fully and don’t rush the process.

This will not heal or resolve these issues but it maybe bring some clarity and acknowledge that the way we are feeling is not our fault and that it is time to put these things to rest, once and for all.

Once you have written everything down that you remember, rip up the piece of paper and throw it away or even better, burn it. You do not need to focus on, analyze or try to make sense of them because all that will do is change your perspective.

The real healing comes from unblocking the body of the residual feelings that are stuck. It is these blockages that keep getting triggered over and over again by whatever that hurt is for you.

Mindset work will only get you so far and is only used by the brain. That is great for understanding but nothing for emotions and the body. 


Taking time to clear the mind can help get more in tune with what is going on inside the body.  Always being on alert in your career, with friends and family and everything that needs doing day to day, plus the emotional baggage takes its toll.

The majority of society are living in a state of fight or flight response to their lives which produces cortisol (stress hormone) in the body. This is not a peaceful place to be and is why so many are suffering from mental and physical health problems as a result.

Meditation is a way of being quiet with yourself and taking the time to actually listen to what is going on within. Once a regular practice of meditation is incorporated in to your daily routine, the benefits will be apparent. 

The body has been scientifically proven to have a positive effect on the body and mind. Studies show that even moderate use of meditation improves anxiety and depression, substance abuse and sleep. It also takes the strain off the heart as constant stress and cortisol levels make the heart pump faster.

Taking time each day to practice meditation also brings you in to the present moment, instead of worrying about the past or future, which we have no control over. What we do have control of however, is what we do in the moment. So you can spend that time feeling stressed and overwhelmed or take time to relax the mind which then affects the body!

Mindvalley  are the best by far for mind and body transformational experts. There are also hundreds of meditations on youtube that can be done in under 10 minutes, if time is an issue. It’s really worth it and something i am glad to have discovered in my own life!



You can spend years reading self development books and watching motivational videos but all that will do, is give you temporary relief and knowledge. That is all great for understanding and may help you feel good for a short time but it will not heal the inner pain within you.

All of this inner hurt is deeply buried within the self and the majority of that is not even in the conscious mind, it is buried deep within the subconscious mind.

Im talking about what mum and dad, did or didn’t do. That school bully who made your life a misery or the insecurities we pick up about ourselves along the way. It is all stored in the body and can show up in feelings of worthlessness, low self esteem, self sabotage, anxiety depression and numerous physical conditions.


Have you ever stopped and listened to how you talk to yourself on a daily basis! Think about when something challenging arises . I’m guessing that the inner voice will be scornful and harsh. Maybe you are doing a presentation in your job and you are feeling the fear of standing up in front of others.

All sorts of thoughts come up, such as.. i can’t do it, people will see i’m nervous, your stupid and will mess it up and forget what i need to say. Would you talk to a five year old that way because when we are feeling scared, its the child within that is scared and by yelling all kinds of negativity at them ( your child self), all you are doing is increasing those negative feelings. 

Start making a conscious effort to talk to yourself in a way that you would talk to a small child. By doing that you are calming and soothing the scared child inside and that is the route to healing your self sabotage, anxiety or whatever it is for you.



All of the above tools may have an impact on your physical and emotional well-being. There are so many outside influences that we lose sight of who we truly are and what values we hold.

Putting pressure on ourselves to achieve and be successful but all that pressure does is hold us back from our true potential. Negative self talk will not help on the quest you are looking for but kindness are care towards that inner child will show results in all areas of your life, without needing to do years of therapy or bounce from one guru or book to the next. 


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