As a parent, we can tend to get bogged down with the day to day of life. The kids become a constant noise and irritation because we are so much focused on the job, the money, the bills, the ironing, shopping, cleaning ………………………………..!
This time, especially if you have young children, is a time to be cherished…. why? because in no time at all, it will be a struggle to spend five minutes with our kids. They will be on their mobile phones or out with their friends. All of a sudden, we will go from being the one person our children want, all of the time, to not being bothered. Harsh but true.
So how can we ensure that our lives still run efficiently but that there is also fun and joy, in the process of being a parent, to these wonderful beings, that stress us out from time to time.
We all get cranky with our children and it has nothing at all to do with them! Yes, you heard me right…. it’s not about them, why we want to reach for the nearest bottle of wine, it’s all down to us baby!
This is why we all have different tipping points. Some parents seem to be unfazed by any tantrum or undesirable circumstance whilst others, myself included, literally, can freak out. Our ability to manage situations, comes from within ourselves, so the issues that need addressing is our inner world and not the fixing of any child.
Just start to notice what sets you off. Maybe the school run has you acting like a total maniac or the fact that you have asked your kid to put on their socks for the seventeenth time, with little success. Just notice when you are triggered and what you feel inside. Doing this can be extremely effective as you can be aware of the potential arising situation.
MINDFULNESS is so powerful to address these times of mental overload. A daily meditation can help with the process of managing our inner world, so that we are not so reactive to outside stressors.
Once this inner calming becomes apart of your routine ( a ten minute meditation before bed is sufficient, if time is an issue) , then you can create a plan of action, so as to be prepared internally, for any situation. Take, long , deep breaths to calm the body and mind. Have everything prepared the night before and communicate calmly with your child, as they will respond better to calm than to a raving lunatic whos losing their shit!
JOIN IN THE FUN
My little ones are extremely active, they have roller skates, skate boards, scooters and bikes. So do I….. and they are all great fun…. not just because my kids love spending time with my husband and I but because we get to join in that fun too. We go to the skate park and i’ve nearly caused myself a mischief many a time, hurtling down a gigantic ten foot drop!…. i’ve also made a complete fool of myself too….. but who cares!
So many parents, sit on the sidelines , looking at their mobile phones and are completely disconnected from the fun around them and the chance of creating great memories with their little ones.
We tend to forget what it was like to be childlike and care free. To just have fun and let go, can be the hardest thing to do, as a busy, stressed out adult.
Try it out…. i’m not suggesting that you hurtle down a ten foot drop, on a scooter, without a helmet! But something like getting on the swing next to your child and have fun swinging together.
It may feel strange at first but maybe that’s due to feeling judged by others. Who cares what other people think…. let them sit on the sidelines and judge….. we , on the other hand will be have a fabulous time. You may-be pleasantly surprised and have other parents, also joining in the fun. I mean, it’s got to be better than watching, bored out of your mind!
LET GO OF THE RULE BOOK
There isn’t one rule book for raising children but we do a good job at enforcing all sorts of rules, restrictions and demands on our children. Then we wonder why they are resistant and resentful! STOP TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO, WHAT NOT TO DO ALL THE TIME!
A great book that will change the way you look at parenting , is ‘the awakened family’, by Dr Shefali. This book was truly life changing and I recommend it greatly. The emphasis is on the parent and what we need to heal or fix, not vice versa. Our children do not require fixing, all the need is space, freedom and acceptance for who they are.
When we stop focusing on the messy home, the grades they didn’t get or the little time you have and start focusing within, then the whole world opens up. Our energy levels will increase because we are not wasting that precious energy on the nonsense. Focus on keeping a balanced mind, focus on finding the fun and joyful activities
There is so much beauty to be shared with our children and none of that involves the stresses and strains of our inner world. Once the focus on WHAT WE THINK THINGS SHOULD BE has been let go and instead the focus is on the here and now… the present moment…. then all the thinking about the past and the future falls away. All the present moment is…. is staying awake…. not drifting in to unconscious thought….. Give it a go and share your experiences and thoughts on my blog ……..